just a change or two.

*sigh...

I miss how everything was before..
Just before everything went wrong.
Our talks, our moments, our love.
All of it just changed.
I miss it, I miss it a lot..
It's either to leave or stay.
I wish it was just that easy.

Just a little.

So, you just need to back off just a little...
Sorry.

Not so CHEESE, but I'll try.

So.. Meet Chris a.k.a Bonus.



Lets start this off by saying.. He's the best boyfriend ever. Yeah, I know.. So cheese, but hey.. It's true. I remembered when we first said "Hi" at Main street station.. He had such a deep voice, I was actually scared of him, but we started talking and everything was fine. I was bringing him to the studio for his FIRST dance classes at DREAM. From there, the story began writing itself.

I don't think I can ever explain how he makes me feel, he's so sweet, he's kind, he's cute, he's a dope ass mother effin' dancer, he's a sick graphic designer, he's caring, he's loving, he's a boy, but really.. those are all words. Nothing can ever compare to the love he gives me. I can list a million things about him, but it can't show you how much he loves me or how much he means to me.

To be honest, I didn't think I was gonna have anything for Bonus.. I thought we were just gonna be good friends. I kept thinking "yeah, I don't think me and Bonus will EVER go out. He wouldn't like me.. like wtf?".. But who would of thought I was wrong. He's someone so special that I don't want to lose. We've known each other for 4 years and out of those 4 years, 2 of the years.. I fell for him. Silly as that may sound.. "Really? two years?" Well, yes. TWO YEARS.

It all started back at my first party with the "oldies" and "youngins" .. I threw a huge party just for the two separate groups. All I remember was when we were all walking back to my house from the park.. Me and Bonus were holding hands walking down a hill.. And I thought it was the cutest thing in the world. I felt like he just took my heart and never gave it back. It was just right. From then on, we never spoke of that night and I always wondered why. But I never got my answer. Til another came along, he took me away once again. Me and some of the DREAM'ers went out for a late night dinner, as a celebration of a show we just did.. and once again.. We were holding hands.. and I really thought it was something, so I kept texting him, but little did I know. He didn't see me in that way. So, things didn't work out for us.. but since then.. I've been trying to move on for a while, liking other guys, but guess what? Didn't work. I still fell for him either way.

Yeah, say it's cheese, but it's true. I fell for him even when I tried to move on. He just took my heart and never gave it back. I just chased after him to get it back, but that didn't work either because now I'm with him. Which is the best for me 'cause now I don't have to keep wondering what would things be like with him. I don't have to wonder anymore because it's now reality. I love it, I love him. He's what I wanted and that's for real. He puts that smile on my face, with no question asked. He always asks me "Why do you think I'm such a good boyfriend?" and I can never answer him... and he always says "See, you can't even say why!" but really.. I had no words to explain it.. I couldn't explain how I felt for two years.. Theres no words out there to explain the feelings I have for him. Because I'm just happy where I am with him.

Whether other girls like him, I know I can always put my trust in him because he will never let me down. I can never question his sincerity to me. Theres never a time where I question myself is this a mistake? But only once.. When he shut me down, but ever since.. There was no questions asked. I wanted him and I was certain. I can keep writing more and more, but really.. I'll just be writing, but no one will ever feel that love I feel from him. So, I'll let everyone know now. I love Chris, and theres no doubt about that.

P.S. I'm a sucker for dark brown eyes.

- Melay.

Hi,

you're a fucking idiot,

end of discussion.

I'm a dumb ass.

Wow, I say I want photography as a career or as a side hobby.. but I'm not doing shit about it. I haven't even started on my fucking portfolio. WHAT THE EFF AM I WAITING FOR? All I have to say is wow.. I'm just so disappointed with myself. I don't even have the money to go get my camera. Like what the hell. Can life just be so dam expensive? ): I wish I had the money. I wish I wasn't a dumb ass and spent all my money on dum shit. My vent of the day. bye.

aw, my boyfriend's the best.

So, my boyfriend's the fricken best. He makes me uber happy, that's just perfect!! Haha! He did the cutest thing today.. So me, Elwin and Ian left his house.. and he said his goodbyes to us.. then I noticed that I heard some footsteps behind me, I looked back and there was Bonus.. ha standing there. He gave me a huge hug and kiss and walked away. IAN and ELWIN my bimbos.. made me blush like a motha facker. They kept saying "awww" .. hahah ugggh, but yeah. Bonus is fawking dope. Ya k bye.

Oh and today I went to ON BBQ h'omg, had so much. Glad to know to have another fam like them! Yes for OLD NAVY y'all! haha from egg toss to bread eating contest to paper plane contest.. haha shit just so much fun. haha gotta fricken love them.

- meals

p.s I miss Bonus.

I want to beat you up.

Stop fucking around with my best friend. K thanks. You're just another problem to her. Can you NOT see? I want to hit you with a skateboard right now... You're putting a very bitter taste in my mouth about YOU. You're just turning into another asshole. ASSHOLE.

- meals

L.A in ... 3 hours!

Holy shit, now it's only fucking 3 hours away! h'omg. I'm excited! Me and Mina are just chilling at Joe's house.. Well, actually we're helping him pack and it's 12:30am.. what a goon. LOL. He's packing 3 hours before we leave.. HAHA! I'll update more later! BYE <3

- meals.

p.s I miss my lover, hobbs.

I'm going going back back to Cali Cali..

Aww yeee, I'm hella excited! Heading there in just a few hours! Shoot.. meeting up with the Vibers, I can't believe it. I miss the Vibers so much, I can't wait to see them again! Woo, and I miss L.A!! This will be such a great trip, DREAM boogiezone week.. Gigi's video reel.. Training.. Fun times! Well, anyways moving on to something different.. I miss my Hobbs a lot.. <3 Aw, I wanted to see him in L.A, but I don't get to see him until.. who knows when. ): Hopefully soon.. end of the summer maybe? (: Well, update later. Buh bye.

- meals

Best Friend, Christopher Martin.

So, yesterday was his last day.. Sigh.. I miss him already ): .. It's going to be a little weird knowing I won't see him everyday.. aww man, I needa go to Colorado soon? haha. Maybe I should, go see Mikey and Hobbs too <3 I miss you Chris Martin, thanks for the new memories! I love you a lot, hope you have a great flight back home.

- meals

WHOAAA

k, so I haven't blogged in a while. Maybe its because I have nothing to really blog about, but yeah. I'm quite upset that some of the Vibers had to leave, but I'll see them very soon! VERY SOON, like next week soon. hahaha. I can't wait. i'm so excited for L.A... hell yeah baby. woooo. gonna be better than next year. well, i don't know what else to write cept... CHRIS MARTIN IS THE BESTEST BEST FRIEND EVER... 8-) ... yaa.. sure... LOL jk <3 i love Larsjoo, Moa, Siri, David, Fao, Mk, Mils and Regine. They are something truely inspiring. FOREAL. k bye world.

- meals.

touchemoi.

So lately, I've been doing some photography stuff as a side thing.. And I came to a conclusion that I wanna go somewhere with this.. Like, I wanna start young! Jenn has inspired me to do it! You can see my stuff around facebook on my page or whatever. But soon enough it'll be somewhere... Somewhere big! (:

I miss them so much..

I feel like I just left my third home.. :( That's how close I got with everyone.. I miss them so much, I'm like crying my eyes out.. I miss you all so much.. It was only for a little time, but it felt like it was forever. I'll be back very soon... April! I gurantee it.. I need to come back.. I can't live without you guys right now :( .. I miss you Patrick.. A LOT..

I miss Winnipeg.. Joyce, Kirsten, Brendo, Gali, Harley, Rommel, Kersey, Richie, JustinM, & JustinT.

:( I love you guys..

Where's Melay?

I is in .. Winnipeg neegros. :)

coool people. Kirsten, Kersey, Joyce, Brenden, Patrick, JustinT, Brendo, Rommel, Gary, Milcah, Romeo, JustinM, Harley, AJ, Precious and... RICHIE! many more, but too lazy to name!! haaa

Maybe we could hold hands.. If..

You were my boyfriend. But we already do hold hands.. =(

*sigh..
I hate this feeling you give me. How do I cope with this? Help me.. I'm back to that confusing moments. Eff yo mom.


"I know you wanna make it rain for me,
No more drama, No more pain for me,
Maybe we can hold hands,
If you were my boyfriend,
I know that you'll give me the moon and the stars above,
But that has no meaning if we're not inlove.."


hahhahahahah! :( :(

- meals

happy!

So.. Tomorrow is my birthday? What the heck, SO fast! Just came out of the blue, this means the school year is almost over. WHAT THAAAA HELL?! Haha, dam!! R.I performed at my school pep rally and EVERYONE loved it! I got so many comments from people I didn't know. It was a little awkward, but whatevs. R.I liked the people at the school because they were nice!! =) Even the "hardcore" guys, they came up to us personally and told us we did a great job!! And.. As per usual, my school dance teacher.. did NOT like the performance, she thought it was "easy" HAAAA! What a JERK! Right? :P ... So Mike Brion is my new adopted "brother" hahaha :P and he's being quite the brother already... which means.. he's already being mean to me! Wth!! :( hahaha. But yeah JUST a few more days til Winnipeg which means, all the T.O.D stock will be hopefully gone! YAY! Haha, and the sleepover at my house was fun, let's do it again. And Jaybee Bonus Heidi Elwin Jenn and Jon HAVE to see my new house :) k bye.


- meals

Closing down the pattern department.

"u fucked up, im pretty sure u kno that already"

I fucked up, yeah I know. I could say so many things right now, but i'm holding myself back. Why? Maybe because I know it'll just leave us at a bitter no where. As if right now, I don't even understand how it ended up like this, but fuck it. I don't think I want to understand, or do I? I just don't get it.

-----------------------------

I missed how it was before. :)


-meals.

Mini pop kids..

Are... the fucking shit.. *rolls eyes! :)

hahaha I like my second semi classes. they're fun!
I have nothing interesting to write. blaah peace.

- meals

hahah... confused?

Greeeeaaat! I'm confused? :)

things to think about/do:
- clean simonne's house.. (fuck)
- kill patrick because he tried to kill me :)
- run to kersey's house and tell him everything.
- have dance practice
- get an umbrella, cause it's fuckin' snowin', AGAIN MO FUCKA..
- STOP crying.. YEE. :)
- start smiling! even better.
- take care of mina.. she's "fucked"
- take things in a different perspective =)
- go home, i miss my mom and dad.
- have a dinner with my rents, i never do anymore.
- get my head on straight, not slanted.
- fucking fix my nails, because they're UGLY
- birthday is coming up, woo. just another day.
- valentines? what is that?
- quit being negative, it's lame!
- don't call kersey "kuya" :P
- baka shiro. peace.

I have a secret...

I HAVE TO FUCKING PEE!! hahahahahah :)

P.S. We have INTERNATION SLEEPERS... woooo!! From NORWAY to VANCOUVER!

- meals

KAWAII!

So, I finished all my exams and stuff, but I did the dumbest yet relaxing thing ever... I watch Hana Yori Dango (Japanese Drama) the day before my science provincial, was it dum? yes. but was it worth it? yes! hahah I love that show, you should watch it.. You'll fall inlove with it.. I know I did!! Mushi mushi!! :) Well, that is all for now!! Stay kawaii!! :)

p.s. I'm kinda glad that I didn't finish this movie/drama a year ago.. :) Hanazawa Rui <3

- meals

laicos skcus!

Gotta do good, just gotta. So scared, but heck.. It's for the best! Laaaaa! Laicos skcus! Si, but whatevs! Will I pass? I don't know!! I just gotta wait, goooooddddammm!! I'm scared, real scared. How do I approach this test.. toohs toohs! werdna, I deen uoy! hahahahahaha!! new language.

werdna! fi ylno uoy dlouc eb ereht ot torppus em! nmad! laicos skcus rof lear.. ton annog eil! kcif kcuf! I ma deracs! dog esaelp pleh em! s'ti annog eb eituq a egengllahc! is ogima! llew, I ma tuo!

" ereht era retghirb syad, tsuj tiaw rof meht... neve fi uoy kniht ehs esod ton erac eromyna. tsuj elims. ehs esod erac tuoba uoy. "

- meals

So..

Can I pick your nose?

P.S.. Joe you didn't say "YES" to this note, because you know I'd do it... hahahah!

HAHAHAhahaha... huh ha hoo.

"Cause I still love you
This I must confess
I guess I still need you
I feel I have to tell you this again
Yes I still want you
Oh these words I did not plan
So if I've interrupted anything
I promise I won't call you again"

- Frankie J

"hee hoo haa yaa oohh yeea.. ." - andrewgalang

speechless.

peace? I thought that we were already peace'd it. =(
can we stop this non-sense? PLEASE?!?

that feeling..

no, k fuck it. fuck what I said. i'm sick and tired of this heat. i'm done.


Kiet leh, bo yahk het yung hai jow. Khoy bo thongk muk jow, khoy bo thongk keet haut jow. Poun kiet leh. Het yung dai noh?


-meals

...

I feel like shit.

end of story.

fee-fi-fo-fum.

I wish I could say half of the things that are exploding in my head. It's like "kaboom" for serious.. I hear explosions every night, and I'm not talking about So Real Cru.. I'm talking about my head slowly and gradually killing itself. I'm having a war in my mind, can someone save me? Or is it too late to end the war?

- meals

boo you kawawa.

"I'm falling for you too.. Like.. You're dope. What's there not to like? But why can't you.."

Sucks.. because theres so many ways I can answer that question.. but I can't. As much as I want to.. I just can't. A promise is a promise, I'll keep it for sure.. I promise.. Things are getting harder, my tears keep flowing.. I liked you too.


- meals/kowala.

P.S. my eyes hurts.. so does my nose.. because it got plugged while crying. m'bad.

have you ever seen the stars?

One of my favorite plans were.. to just look up at the stars during the night in the nicest weather ever.. with someone really special..



Yup, that's my plan.. but I just haven't found.. that someone yet.. have I?

- meals

What to think?

So.. I'm tired of you not picking up my calls or replying my txts when you want to.. Stop giving me mix signs.. Not cool.

another day..

So.. I'm at school! AND I got on blogspot!! HAAAAA! Literally they liked blocked.. EVERYTHING that you could think of.. from facebook to meebo.. SUCKS ASS! Well, yeah i'm not doing anything in planning class right now because I'm finished everything.. and so I'm here writing in this.. gaah.. I hate Ryan Swann. nah nah I'm just kidding! He wanted me to write that! L O EFFIN' L.. and now LEO SCHOONER is beside me.. but he left.. RIGHT now I'm with Iris Gardea.. she's dope (supposivly I have the privledge to sit next to her) lllaaamee.. Both of us hella bored and don't know what the eff to do. This is lame.. I miss Jono and Chump. Ugh.. and and RHYTHM INFLUENCED IS PERFORMING AT RICK HANSEN!! hahahahahaha! aww yee. Good stuff. Well, I don't know what else to write.. so I'm just gonna end it off here. LATER.

- meals

P.S. mark fucanan.. SUCKS! :)

I've been there.. I've done that..

Jono. <3

2nd thoughts.

"Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me but I could've sworn,
That the kiss that was meant truly for me is leaving me torn,
How could love be so kind and so gentle and turn and be so cold,
Why must my arms feel so empty for what my heart still holds"

why?

feelin' cold.

Jono, M.I.A for serious. I miss you.

ANYWAYS.. SO i'm still motha effin' sick! Sucks motha effin' balls. Like seriously! I'm just hanging here at the aunt's house... just chilling. What the eff, I wanna go out or hang at home.. Ha.. I want to be in a warm area.. Where it ain't motha effin' cold! Shit. I miss chump indeed. I have Joe's Stussy scarf, HAAA! I'm excited, I got a lot of shit to do before the month April comes around!! Got photoshoots that month and teaching with Jaybeast. Awwww heeeeelll yea. K bye,


- meals

Sicko,

Damnit amigo, I AM SICK! It's driving me up the wall.. like seriously. I'm coughing like crazy, my voice is jacked up, my heads been hurting, my nose is plugged.. AND the snot looks hella fucking sick! So I found cough candy.. and it's kinda working. Bullshit man, I hate being sick. K i'm gonna go get water and take my medicine so peace the fuck out bitch. "lata" props to lil J!

- meals

p.s. JL; I like you, but I can't admit it.. just yet.